For Christmas, I had some blown glass pendants and beads made from Ryan’s ashes. They are done by a local artist, Vaughn.
They are even prettier in person. It is hard to get a good photo to show the luminous quality they have.
Vaughn had a holiday special with free beads added to the order. I added some to this larimar, aquamarine, and adventurine stone necklace that I made.
(Oops, the silver bail is upside down in the pic).
This is a necklace that I’d already made and had dangled a bead from my father’s ashes on. One of Ryan’s beads matched it, so I placed it next to my dad’s.
Ryan had a bead from my dad’s ashes and really appreciated it. I had a rough time looking at my order when I picked it up, Ryan’s voice was in my head as I pictured how excited he would’ve been by how beautiful the pieces are. He was always so enthusiastic and appreciative.
I have a pendant to create a necklace with for myself. The others went onto hemp or leather cords for Adam and Rich to wear, another hangs from Rich’s truck visor, and one hangs from the ash urn.
When the puppies were born I took a break from working on Ryan’s scrapbook, then the holidays came along. I think I need to get back into working on it. It is a painful process, but in a good way. I spend time reminiscing about each photo, and thinking about my boy.
Not that I don’t think about him all of the time, with or without reminders. I don’t need mementos to feel Ryan near me.
But I am drawn to these items, the gifts that came after he died. The blooms I dried from flower arrangements sent to us. The photos, the wind chimes, so many little things. Sometimes they make me smile, other times, I still crumple with grief.
Mostly, I am comforted by keeping these things around me.