Four years ago today, we lost Ryan. Rich and I tell each other that it’s date we do not want to note, we want to celebrate his birthdays, and let this date not be a feature in our lives.
But it is.
I cannot get around it, the 24th looms over the entire month. May is my own birthday and Mother’s Day, both dates Ryan made special. It is also when we’d take our “bonus” Sister Trips. So of course, happy memories of Bobbie are a big part of May now too.
Honestly, I should’ve tried harder to make that Sister Trip work out this season. Traditions are important, and memories need to be cherished not avoided. I’ve been a bit of a wreck. I can’t let my favorite month, when spring is at its best and I wake up every morning with windows open, listening to the birds sing, become the D lister of the year. May deserves celebrating, as do Ry and Bobbie Sue.
Heck, it even comes with its own weekend of memorials.
Letting myself be sad when I need to helps. But I’ve tried to enjoy my springtime along with missing them. I did extra yard work, remembering how Ryan would love a tour of what we accomplished. I cleaned and freshened his room, then sat down to look out of his window awhile. I’ve looked through scrapbooks, albums, and photos on my phone. I’ve talked to Ryan and Bobbie, and talked about them too.
And I have loved them. Both are still, and always, always will be, big parts of my life. No matter what the date is.
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