Karla's Cottage

Summerween

Dewdrop came to visit!  And Sugarwings is back from North Carolina, so I hung up a welcome back garland and planned a Surprise Summerween Party.

We made zombie finger cookies to snack on.

And carved watermelon Jack-o-lanterns,

I unpacked a tub of Halloween decor to set up when they got here after their 14 hour drive, and we relaxed by the glow of the pumpkins while watching a scary movie.

Our movie was Abigail, about a vampire ballerina, an excellent choice.

We left the decorations up for the week, so the party goes on. 
I hate to think of it coming to an end.  My plan is to soak up every minute of this visit and spoil these sweet, lil punkins, I mean, melons, as much as I can while we are all together.

Sugarwings is good at making a day special

Sugarwings is spending the first half of the summer in NC.  Before leaving, we add some extra nice days together. 

On the anniversary of Ryan’s death that sweet Grandfairy offered to help cook dinner (including this Jack Skellington pie, wow!), then wanted to watch a zombie show with me, like Ryan and I used to do. 

To go along with the meal we were making together, I ordered an onion blossom at Texas Roadhouse.  We had one together on Ry’s last birthday, and he had decided that we should make a tradition of it.

Rich doesn’t want to make the day we lost our boy a day we mark, he wants to focus on birthdays instead.  Which of course, I sure get, but no matter what, May 24th is a day we cannot gloss over.  The date haunts us all week, even when we say we will go about our business and plan other things.

So this year, I decided I was going to honor Ryan with some of his favorite foods and shows.  Sugarwings was there for me and every bit as sweet as that artistic pie.

When I picked up the crunchy onion, country music was playing on the outdoor speakers at the restaurant.  Then, as I walked to the car, my boy’s lifelong, favorite song, Footloose, began to play.  At that moment I looked down to see this heart rock, standing out from the other stones in the flowerbeds.

I was so glad I’d made plans with our Grandfairy to celebrate him that day.  And grateful for the kid by my side while we honored him.

We also had some crafting days, I made some coffee filter roses.  Not because it was one of the many jobs I need to get done, but because it sounded pretty.  

Sugarwings worked with polymer clay and made blueberries for me.  It’s hard to tell which of these is the real one the others were modeled upon, isn’t it?

We also saw a movie, and wore matching jammies to it so we’d be cozy.  

Another day, we took the dogs to the park and saw this heart shining through the dappled shadows made by the trees.

I am missing this kiddo who enjoys small adventures with me. But I have even more reason to look forward to their return.  There is a shot that Dewdrop will be tagging along to spend some time here in Kansas for July.  

I think I see a few more adventures coming up in the second half of the summer.

 

 

 

 

 

We will miss you, Steve

Isn’t this the cutest? I love Sharon’s grin!

Steve and Sharon had honeymooned at the beach, and for their 40th anniversary, their family rented a beach home and surprised them with a vow renewal and vacation.

Steve was my husband’s big brother, and a great guy who never met a stranger.  Steve could talk to anyone, anywhere.  He was multi talented, and had a knack in repairing or building just about anything.  
There were many times over the years that he bailed us out on fix ups at the cottage, or delved into major remodeling at minor cost to us.  Our home wouldn’t be what it is without Steve’s skills.

We lost Steve within a matter of just days after their seaside adventure.  He was surrounded by his four kids, wife and a couple of siblings as he left, ringed with love.  It all happened much too quickly, just like my sister, Bobbie.

 Last fall, Rich and I had healthy brothers and sisters, then my sister’s lung cancer diagnosis came, and she was soon gone.  It was discovered that Steve also had lung cancer, not too long after.

She died our mother’s birthday in February.  

He died on his dad’s birthday in May.

We are stunned to have such major, and unexpected tears in our family dynamics, losing two beloved people.


Steve, like Bobbie, also had a fantastic group of kids who supported and cared for him through his illness.  I am so proud of all these nieces and nephews who have shown such strength and kindness through heartache.   Their deceased  parents  had to have left this life with the knowledge that they made the world a better place by raising these special people.  

Steve will be missed- his big smile, friendly personality, and novel ways of solving problems brought smiles to all around him.  He faced the world with a contagious optimism that felt good to be around.  He had loyal friends for good reasons.

 And a wife he cherished.  Steve always had a twinkle in his eye when he looked at his Sharon.  

Missing and remembering

Four years ago today, we lost Ryan.  Rich and I tell each other that it’s date we do not want to note, we want to celebrate his birthdays, and let this date not be a feature in our lives.

But it is.

I cannot get around it, the 24th looms over the entire month.  May is my own birthday and Mother’s Day, both dates Ryan made special.  It is also when we’d take our “bonus” Sister Trips.  So of course, happy memories of Bobbie are a big part of May now too.

Honestly, I should’ve tried harder to make that Sister Trip work out this season.  Traditions are important, and memories need to be cherished not avoided.  I’ve been a bit of a wreck.  I can’t let my favorite month, when spring is at its best and I wake up every morning with windows open, listening to the birds sing, become the D lister of the year.  May deserves celebrating, as do Ry and Bobbie Sue.

Heck, it even comes with its own weekend of memorials.

Letting myself be sad when I need to helps.  But I’ve tried to enjoy my springtime along with missing them.  I did extra yard work, remembering how Ryan would love a tour of what we accomplished.  I cleaned and freshened his room, then sat down to look out of his window awhile.  I’ve looked through scrapbooks, albums, and photos on my phone.  I’ve talked to Ryan and Bobbie, and talked about them too.  

And I have loved them.  Both are still, and always, always will be, big parts of my life.  No matter what the date is.

Mother’s Day Traditions

Mother’s Day weekend was jam packed here at the Cottage.  I hit two mornings of light but fruitful garage sales, made gemstone  bracelets for gifting, and had a sweet little dinner party, where Sugarwings helped cook for what we call “The Council of Mothers”.  

The kiddo also came by on Saturday to help with wood splitting. It’s a job I rarely have to be a part of, thank goodness, because it is very unpleasant.  But it needs done, and we were short on crew.  Most grandkids have moved away, Ryan is gone.  Rich always paid his helpers for the afternoon, and I got out of the job since there were plenty of assistants.

But now, it’s just Sugarwings, Rich, and I to do it.  Not only is it a rough activity, it’s heart wrenching to think about all of the past helpers who are no longer around to pitch in.

Finding two hearts in the sections of logs was a reminder of them.  

Especially Ry.

He was so strong, tossing those stumps meant nothing to him.  He never enjoyed the job, but didn’t complain about helping out.  For years, he was our champion on wood splitting day.

The rest of the weekend was mostly yard work.  Mother’s Day officially kicks off tackling our spring to do lists in the garden and courtyard.  That tradition started when the kids were just little and would spread mulch and do other beautification projects for me.

This year, I power washed for a few hours while Rich cleaned out the storage shed.  Then we set up the patio furniture, umbrellas and pots.  I planted annuals and Rich got the vegetables into the garden soil.

We might have done more than a week’s worth of work in those two days, and I was feeling it.  After dinner Sunday evening, I told everyone I was sorry I had to be a party pooper, but I was going to bed. When I got there, I slept twelve hours straight.  Mother’s Day wore me out, especially without Ryan’s strength helping us with the heavy jobs.

But the yard looks good!  He’d have been proud of it.  Ryan not only had a great work ethic, he loved to see what others did.  When he’d get home from cooking at the nursing home, he’d want to walk around the yard with us and compliment what we accomplished.  

The older I get, the harder a full weekend of yard work gets, and a Mother’s Day of being lazy sounds better and better.  But Ry Guy was on my mind and in my heart all day and that gets me through all of the jobs that need doing.

 

 

 

A hidden show in the skies, and never forgetting the ones we lost

My dear friend, Angie, remembered me telling her that Bobbie helped design a tattoo with hearts and forget-me-nots for her grandchild.  Angie never forgets any detail when it comes to thoughtfulness, and went on a thrifting hunt to find forget-me-not treasures to give to me.  

The pretty plate got hung in my kitchen so I’d have a daily reminder of my sister.  Not that forgetting her is a danger!  She is always a part of me.  

I have been missing her so much this last week.  I think the grief is amplified by thinking about her daughters’ first Mothers Day without her.  I hope they can still celebrate their mom, and their own motherhood through the pain of loss.  

It is always a hard week for me, with my own mom gone, and now without my boy.  Ryan was always so sweet to me on this holiday.  I try to concentrate on the love, not the loss, but tears are shed multiple times in the week leading up to this Sunday.  Yesterday, I took the dog on a walk down Ryan’s favorite route, and she and I talked about Ryan, Bobbie, and Mom (yes, the dog enjoys a good conversation while out on a stroll).  We discussed my Mom’s sense of humor and her love of iris, Ryan’s way of caring for me that was always so gentle and kind.  And Bobbie’s never ending interest in taking photos of the beauties of the sky.  I like to look up at clouds and sunsets and imagine her grabbing a dozen or more pictures of the scene.

When I got home, I was reading about the electromagnetic storm that was making the aurora bourealis visible in areas where it’s not usually seen.   Seeing the northern lights is a dream of mine, so I was impatiently waiting for the prime time to go out and look. And saw-

nothing.

So, I tried the iPhone trick I’d read about.  That the night setting on the camera was stronger than our eyes and to look at the clouds through that.

That worked, revealing the colors that were hiding in the dark.  I’d walked up the bridge over I70, waiting between cars for enough darkness to get a good look, thinking about how mom and I used to lie on a blanket in the yard watching the sky.  And how Ryan would stand on that same bridge with me to view fireworks.  And how Bobbie would plan her whole beach vacation evening around getting a sunset photo at the perfect moment.

The photos I took were pretty, but I was feeling confused and wondering if I was truly seeing the aurora borealis or not.  Taking photos facing south, the colors were normal, so I guessed the northern pics were for real.  I decided to go for a drive further into the country for a better dark sky, and my sweetheart got up out of bed to take me.  Everywhere we went, other people had the same idea, cars were stopped on country roads, people were looking up at the sky with their phones.

Mom, Bobbie, and Ryan all would have loved the hidden colors that you had to hunt for to enjoy.  The night sky itself looked perfectly normal, til the photo was taken and you could see the surprise of the color show.

With loss so heavy on my mind that day and already feeling sad, at first I was feeling super disappointed.  Where were the northern lights I’d always wanted to see?  It was just a dark sky, unless I used my camera to see it.  Then, the more I looked at it through the lens, the more colors I saw and I was so glad that Rich and I had taken this little drive after bedtime to find them.

I was reminded that beauty is all around us and sometimes you just have to look a little harder to find it.  It’s a lot like grief.  These people I love so much are not ever going to be in my sight again. But if I look with my heart, not my eyes, there they are.

Filling my heart with colors.

Thank you for the nice birthday!

My birthday on Sunday was exactly what I needed. It had been a long, bustling week ending with two days at Good Juju for our First Friday sale. And while I love those days at the antique mall, chatting with guests and laughing with friends, I sure wake up tired on the Sundays after them.

I was extra tired this week.  Waking up to streamers, a balloon, and flowers almost made me cry.  When I’m worn out, I tend to get extra emotional, and I’d had a string of not so wonderful birthdays in the last few years. I was touched to see the effort Sugarwings and my husband went to.

He even mowed a message into the field for me!  Cute, huh?

I needed to run to the store, so while I was out I played “Birthday Trick or Treat” and picked up my celebratory freebies around town from different loyalty programs. These are from Kohls, Ulta, and Bath and Body Works.  There is also a popcorn due from the movie theater.

The best goodie was a mini red velvet cake from Everything Bundt Cakes. We sliced it up to go with our tea party luncheon in front of the tv.  Sugarwings indulged me and we watched a nostalgic show from the 80s- Lost Boys.  I hadn’t seen it in decades, but when Ryan was younger, it was on repeat around here.  

Rewatching a show from years back is a tricky thing.  I never quite remember them exactly, so can be surprised by outdated tropes or unpleasantries that do not hold up in today’s world.  But we were lucky with this one, the only thing outdated about it were the mild horror scenes, it was light gore. And that was even better.  

We watched Footloose a couple weeks ago, and it too “held up”.  The teen even enjoyed both.  

Sugarwings set the table very pretty for me, that is a very thoughtful person. As well as a good cook, the kiddo made dinner too!

We had planned walking tacos, and taking them with us on a walk.  But the weather was chilly, so we filled our chip bags with all the fixins and walked around inside the house.  It was an indoor birthday parade.  Silly and fun.  The tacos were good too.  

The whole day was.  I got a call from my son, a friend and the Guncles, lots of kind messages on Facebook and text. Thank you, family and sweet friends!

Rescheduled free time

We’ve had a pleasant month, even with all of the ups and downs, changes, and the flurry of selling the boat.  I was supposed to drive to Indy to watch the full eclipse but was too exhausted from all of my previous travel and from getting caught up with my booth.  

And I was supposed to go to Florida to meet up with lifetime friends, but due to some serious health issues in their families, the travel plans were tenuous and I cancelled a few days in advance to get my flight refund. (Their loved ones are doing better, by the way!)  

So my hectic month of travel turned into sitting by the dragon table’s fire pit and roasting marshmallows a few nights with friends or with Sugarwings and having days suddenly without plans that I could now fill however I liked.

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Rich tracked down some morels out in the woods and we fried up those on our evenings spent enjoying wine with buddies on the patio.

Rich also brought back ticks on those mushroom hunts.  This poor girl had HUNDREDS on her.  Seriously so, so many.  We discovered them while out on the boat relaxing.  That trip soon turned into Sugarwings and I tossing ticks overboard after plucking them from these black curls.  

While I was sad to miss out on my trip to visit my family and watch the moon cover the sun, my car was glad for the break.  Its odometer was piling up miles quickly over this last winter.  And look, it hit a lucky run of all fives!

I have taken some of my bonus time, when I should’ve been gone, to make jewelry.  I’d gotten some gorgeous stone pendants at the gem show and have enjoyed adding them to strands of beads I’ve strung.

I made a few more book page drawings, then came up with an idea to display them on this dilapidated, wicker chair.  It seemed to be beyond saving, and had even been partially run over by a truck.  I wrapped it in some vines, then added a mossy seat cover (spending more on supplies than the chair is worth, of course, but hey, that’s just how projects go sometimes).  Now, it has a new purpose as an easel.

After being out of town so much, I appreciated some unplanned downtime to putter around, go to garage sales, float on the lake, do some crafting, catch up with friends.  But I’d give up every moment of my lazy days if it meant I could spend more time by Bobbie’s side.  Those months of her illness were so sad, but it was also such a treasure to have those days by her side.  

I'd hop in the car, pile some more miles on that odometer, and visit her in a hot minute if I had that option.  

The end of an era for us

Last weekend we took advantage of a way above average Spring day and hit the lake for a ride.  We needed action photos of our boat to get her sold, and that was an ideal day to do it.

For this shot, Sugarwings and I were dropped off at the shoreline.  Which isn’t as simple as that sounds.  The water was cold and there is no dock, only a rocky, slippery shallow spot.  The boat only has seconds to pause for us to jump out before it has to back out and avoid rocks.

We managed.  I had no worries about the nimble Grandfairy, it was my old lady qualities that made me leery about making a quick go of leaping down and not falling with a big, freezing splash.  I was fine, all went well, plus it made me lose any lingering doubts about selling our boat.

Even after 28 years of pontooning, I still stressed about what could go wrong. Because things can go wrong.  We have hit our propeller on rocks before, lost ladders, had engine trouble and were stranded, it all happens no matter how capable and skilled you are at handling the big, ole, floating thing.  So, I’d often have nagging stresses during many maneuvers, and not be relaxed like a person should be while out on the water.

But this day?  It was a very nice one.  Honestly, 99% of them are, gliding across the lake while kids giggled on a tube has been a major pastime for us since this one came into our lives.  Sugarwings was raised as a lake person.  

Surprisingly, mid-April in KS proved to be a spectacular day for one last spin on the tube too. The water was way too frigid for a swim, but this kid is such an expert tuber, they were not going to fall in and were happy to have a good bye loop across the waves.

I got the boat sparkling clean, took lots of photos, then made ads on marketplace and Craigslist, thinking we’d be in for a couple weeks of haggles and tire (or pontoon) kickers. But nope, we were inundated with messages, that it was impossible to keep up with and that boat sold immediately!  How lucky for us.  

We had such happy memories out on that lake, my husband could pull kids and other family members nonstop for hours.  I have packed tons of picnics, and we’ve had years of laughter out there.  I was very surprised that Rich wanted to sell it, but with so much of our family moved away, it always seemed like too much work just for the two of us.  And when we would go out with friends for wine and sunsets, coming home and putting it all away after dark was a hassle, and we enjoy our friends every bit us much having a glass of wine in the garden.

So it was time, at least close to being time.  We wanted to sell while it still had value and we could get some cash out of the deal.  In retirement, that matters more than ever.

I did feel bad for Sugarwings, that kid not only had a big chunk of the family move away, now we have given up the boat because they are gone.  But that sweet child is so understanding and knows it was a tough decision to make and that some of the cash will go for trips and other fun things we do together.

We have been a boating family since way before I had a digital camera, so there aren’t any photos of our first years on the water. 

But there are many special pictures.

And so many special moments.

 

 

 

 

 

A craft day to crow about

Guncle Randy and I had an excellent craft day together.

We both worked on crowns, I painted some of my book page drawings, and helped him with a base coat on a violin he wants to embellish.

He had a couple bridal gowns to share, so I cut those up.  He is using some of that on his violin too.

It was a lot for one day, but we jammed in as much fun as we could, and made time to take pictures of our hand crafted crowns on the heads of his many garden friends.

On our furry friends too.

So many heads to fill with royal toppers.

This guy looks like he is ready for his kiss.

So does this tiny guy.

It was a joy to be outside, with sunshine and flowers.

And very joyful to have a day with my baby bro to crank out crafts.  I think we had about 13-14 crowns between us.

To thank him, I painted a crowned crow.

Yep, it was a day to “crow” about.