Karla's Cottage

Mother’s Day Traditions

Mother’s Day weekend was jam packed here at the Cottage.  I hit two mornings of light but fruitful garage sales, made gemstone  bracelets for gifting, and had a sweet little dinner party, where Sugarwings helped cook for what we call “The Council of Mothers”.  

The kiddo also came by on Saturday to help with wood splitting. It’s a job I rarely have to be a part of, thank goodness, because it is very unpleasant.  But it needs done, and we were short on crew.  Most grandkids have moved away, Ryan is gone.  Rich always paid his helpers for the afternoon, and I got out of the job since there were plenty of assistants.

But now, it’s just Sugarwings, Rich, and I to do it.  Not only is it a rough activity, it’s heart wrenching to think about all of the past helpers who are no longer around to pitch in.

Finding two hearts in the sections of logs was a reminder of them.  

Especially Ry.

He was so strong, tossing those stumps meant nothing to him.  He never enjoyed the job, but didn’t complain about helping out.  For years, he was our champion on wood splitting day.

The rest of the weekend was mostly yard work.  Mother’s Day officially kicks off tackling our spring to do lists in the garden and courtyard.  That tradition started when the kids were just little and would spread mulch and do other beautification projects for me.

This year, I power washed for a few hours while Rich cleaned out the storage shed.  Then we set up the patio furniture, umbrellas and pots.  I planted annuals and Rich got the vegetables into the garden soil.

We might have done more than a week’s worth of work in those two days, and I was feeling it.  After dinner Sunday evening, I told everyone I was sorry I had to be a party pooper, but I was going to bed. When I got there, I slept twelve hours straight.  Mother’s Day wore me out, especially without Ryan’s strength helping us with the heavy jobs.

But the yard looks good!  He’d have been proud of it.  Ryan not only had a great work ethic, he loved to see what others did.  When he’d get home from cooking at the nursing home, he’d want to walk around the yard with us and compliment what we accomplished.  

The older I get, the harder a full weekend of yard work gets, and a Mother’s Day of being lazy sounds better and better.  But Ry Guy was on my mind and in my heart all day and that gets me through all of the jobs that need doing.

 

 

 

A hidden show in the skies, and never forgetting the ones we lost

My dear friend, Angie, remembered me telling her that Bobbie helped design a tattoo with hearts and forget-me-nots for her grandchild.  Angie never forgets any detail when it comes to thoughtfulness, and went on a thrifting hunt to find forget-me-not treasures to give to me.  

The pretty plate got hung in my kitchen so I’d have a daily reminder of my sister.  Not that forgetting her is a danger!  She is always a part of me.  

I have been missing her so much this last week.  I think the grief is amplified by thinking about her daughters’ first Mothers Day without her.  I hope they can still celebrate their mom, and their own motherhood through the pain of loss.  

It is always a hard week for me, with my own mom gone, and now without my boy.  Ryan was always so sweet to me on this holiday.  I try to concentrate on the love, not the loss, but tears are shed multiple times in the week leading up to this Sunday.  Yesterday, I took the dog on a walk down Ryan’s favorite route, and she and I talked about Ryan, Bobbie, and Mom (yes, the dog enjoys a good conversation while out on a stroll).  We discussed my Mom’s sense of humor and her love of iris, Ryan’s way of caring for me that was always so gentle and kind.  And Bobbie’s never ending interest in taking photos of the beauties of the sky.  I like to look up at clouds and sunsets and imagine her grabbing a dozen or more pictures of the scene.

When I got home, I was reading about the electromagnetic storm that was making the aurora bourealis visible in areas where it’s not usually seen.   Seeing the northern lights is a dream of mine, so I was impatiently waiting for the prime time to go out and look. And saw-

nothing.

So, I tried the iPhone trick I’d read about.  That the night setting on the camera was stronger than our eyes and to look at the clouds through that.

That worked, revealing the colors that were hiding in the dark.  I’d walked up the bridge over I70, waiting between cars for enough darkness to get a good look, thinking about how mom and I used to lie on a blanket in the yard watching the sky.  And how Ryan would stand on that same bridge with me to view fireworks.  And how Bobbie would plan her whole beach vacation evening around getting a sunset photo at the perfect moment.

The photos I took were pretty, but I was feeling confused and wondering if I was truly seeing the aurora borealis or not.  Taking photos facing south, the colors were normal, so I guessed the northern pics were for real.  I decided to go for a drive further into the country for a better dark sky, and my sweetheart got up out of bed to take me.  Everywhere we went, other people had the same idea, cars were stopped on country roads, people were looking up at the sky with their phones.

Mom, Bobbie, and Ryan all would have loved the hidden colors that you had to hunt for to enjoy.  The night sky itself looked perfectly normal, til the photo was taken and you could see the surprise of the color show.

With loss so heavy on my mind that day and already feeling sad, at first I was feeling super disappointed.  Where were the northern lights I’d always wanted to see?  It was just a dark sky, unless I used my camera to see it.  Then, the more I looked at it through the lens, the more colors I saw and I was so glad that Rich and I had taken this little drive after bedtime to find them.

I was reminded that beauty is all around us and sometimes you just have to look a little harder to find it.  It’s a lot like grief.  These people I love so much are not ever going to be in my sight again. But if I look with my heart, not my eyes, there they are.

Filling my heart with colors.

Thank you for the nice birthday!

My birthday on Sunday was exactly what I needed. It had been a long, bustling week ending with two days at Good Juju for our First Friday sale. And while I love those days at the antique mall, chatting with guests and laughing with friends, I sure wake up tired on the Sundays after them.

I was extra tired this week.  Waking up to streamers, a balloon, and flowers almost made me cry.  When I’m worn out, I tend to get extra emotional, and I’d had a string of not so wonderful birthdays in the last few years. I was touched to see the effort Sugarwings and my husband went to.

He even mowed a message into the field for me!  Cute, huh?

I needed to run to the store, so while I was out I played “Birthday Trick or Treat” and picked up my celebratory freebies around town from different loyalty programs. These are from Kohls, Ulta, and Bath and Body Works.  There is also a popcorn due from the movie theater.

The best goodie was a mini red velvet cake from Everything Bundt Cakes. We sliced it up to go with our tea party luncheon in front of the tv.  Sugarwings indulged me and we watched a nostalgic show from the 80s- Lost Boys.  I hadn’t seen it in decades, but when Ryan was younger, it was on repeat around here.  

Rewatching a show from years back is a tricky thing.  I never quite remember them exactly, so can be surprised by outdated tropes or unpleasantries that do not hold up in today’s world.  But we were lucky with this one, the only thing outdated about it were the mild horror scenes, it was light gore. And that was even better.  

We watched Footloose a couple weeks ago, and it too “held up”.  The teen even enjoyed both.  

Sugarwings set the table very pretty for me, that is a very thoughtful person. As well as a good cook, the kiddo made dinner too!

We had planned walking tacos, and taking them with us on a walk.  But the weather was chilly, so we filled our chip bags with all the fixins and walked around inside the house.  It was an indoor birthday parade.  Silly and fun.  The tacos were good too.  

The whole day was.  I got a call from my son, a friend and the Guncles, lots of kind messages on Facebook and text. Thank you, family and sweet friends!

Rescheduled free time

We’ve had a pleasant month, even with all of the ups and downs, changes, and the flurry of selling the boat.  I was supposed to drive to Indy to watch the full eclipse but was too exhausted from all of my previous travel and from getting caught up with my booth.  

And I was supposed to go to Florida to meet up with lifetime friends, but due to some serious health issues in their families, the travel plans were tenuous and I cancelled a few days in advance to get my flight refund. (Their loved ones are doing better, by the way!)  

So my hectic month of travel turned into sitting by the dragon table’s fire pit and roasting marshmallows a few nights with friends or with Sugarwings and having days suddenly without plans that I could now fill however I liked.

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Rich tracked down some morels out in the woods and we fried up those on our evenings spent enjoying wine with buddies on the patio.

Rich also brought back ticks on those mushroom hunts.  This poor girl had HUNDREDS on her.  Seriously so, so many.  We discovered them while out on the boat relaxing.  That trip soon turned into Sugarwings and I tossing ticks overboard after plucking them from these black curls.  

While I was sad to miss out on my trip to visit my family and watch the moon cover the sun, my car was glad for the break.  Its odometer was piling up miles quickly over this last winter.  And look, it hit a lucky run of all fives!

I have taken some of my bonus time, when I should’ve been gone, to make jewelry.  I’d gotten some gorgeous stone pendants at the gem show and have enjoyed adding them to strands of beads I’ve strung.

I made a few more book page drawings, then came up with an idea to display them on this dilapidated, wicker chair.  It seemed to be beyond saving, and had even been partially run over by a truck.  I wrapped it in some vines, then added a mossy seat cover (spending more on supplies than the chair is worth, of course, but hey, that’s just how projects go sometimes).  Now, it has a new purpose as an easel.

After being out of town so much, I appreciated some unplanned downtime to putter around, go to garage sales, float on the lake, do some crafting, catch up with friends.  But I’d give up every moment of my lazy days if it meant I could spend more time by Bobbie’s side.  Those months of her illness were so sad, but it was also such a treasure to have those days by her side.  

I'd hop in the car, pile some more miles on that odometer, and visit her in a hot minute if I had that option.  

The end of an era for us

Last weekend we took advantage of a way above average Spring day and hit the lake for a ride.  We needed action photos of our boat to get her sold, and that was an ideal day to do it.

For this shot, Sugarwings and I were dropped off at the shoreline.  Which isn’t as simple as that sounds.  The water was cold and there is no dock, only a rocky, slippery shallow spot.  The boat only has seconds to pause for us to jump out before it has to back out and avoid rocks.

We managed.  I had no worries about the nimble Grandfairy, it was my old lady qualities that made me leery about making a quick go of leaping down and not falling with a big, freezing splash.  I was fine, all went well, plus it made me lose any lingering doubts about selling our boat.

Even after 28 years of pontooning, I still stressed about what could go wrong. Because things can go wrong.  We have hit our propeller on rocks before, lost ladders, had engine trouble and were stranded, it all happens no matter how capable and skilled you are at handling the big, ole, floating thing.  So, I’d often have nagging stresses during many maneuvers, and not be relaxed like a person should be while out on the water.

But this day?  It was a very nice one.  Honestly, 99% of them are, gliding across the lake while kids giggled on a tube has been a major pastime for us since this one came into our lives.  Sugarwings was raised as a lake person.  

Surprisingly, mid-April in KS proved to be a spectacular day for one last spin on the tube too. The water was way too frigid for a swim, but this kid is such an expert tuber, they were not going to fall in and were happy to have a good bye loop across the waves.

I got the boat sparkling clean, took lots of photos, then made ads on marketplace and Craigslist, thinking we’d be in for a couple weeks of haggles and tire (or pontoon) kickers. But nope, we were inundated with messages, that it was impossible to keep up with and that boat sold immediately!  How lucky for us.  

We had such happy memories out on that lake, my husband could pull kids and other family members nonstop for hours.  I have packed tons of picnics, and we’ve had years of laughter out there.  I was very surprised that Rich wanted to sell it, but with so much of our family moved away, it always seemed like too much work just for the two of us.  And when we would go out with friends for wine and sunsets, coming home and putting it all away after dark was a hassle, and we enjoy our friends every bit us much having a glass of wine in the garden.

So it was time, at least close to being time.  We wanted to sell while it still had value and we could get some cash out of the deal.  In retirement, that matters more than ever.

I did feel bad for Sugarwings, that kid not only had a big chunk of the family move away, now we have given up the boat because they are gone.  But that sweet child is so understanding and knows it was a tough decision to make and that some of the cash will go for trips and other fun things we do together.

We have been a boating family since way before I had a digital camera, so there aren’t any photos of our first years on the water. 

But there are many special pictures.

And so many special moments.

 

 

 

 

 

A craft day to crow about

Guncle Randy and I had an excellent craft day together.

We both worked on crowns, I painted some of my book page drawings, and helped him with a base coat on a violin he wants to embellish.

He had a couple bridal gowns to share, so I cut those up.  He is using some of that on his violin too.

It was a lot for one day, but we jammed in as much fun as we could, and made time to take pictures of our hand crafted crowns on the heads of his many garden friends.

On our furry friends too.

So many heads to fill with royal toppers.

This guy looks like he is ready for his kiss.

So does this tiny guy.

It was a joy to be outside, with sunshine and flowers.

And very joyful to have a day with my baby bro to crank out crafts.  I think we had about 13-14 crowns between us.

To thank him, I painted a crowned crow.

Yep, it was a day to “crow” about.  

 

So nice I went there twice

I have developed a problem.

I

I cannot stop buying beads.

Gorgeous, luscious, luminous, gemstone beads.  Not the kind from Michael’s or local craft stores, the kind you have to order online, or even better- get at a gem show.

 There is one twice a year at a convention center in KC, and it holds vast row upon row of enticing beads.  Also, crystals, rocks, and fossils. Oh and dinos.

I went with a friend on Friday, bought way too much, then went back on Sunday with a Grandfairy who was visiting from NC and bought too much once again.

But can you seriously, ever, say “too much” when it’s about art supplies?  Art supplies are necessities, not indulgences!  

Won’t these pendants add a special bit of wonderfulness to some beaded necklaces?

Here are more pendant type bits too.  I’ll put the stone mushrooms and a few of the other things on leather cords, a couple on chains.  But most will be used in my creations.

While by my sister in the hospital, I made many, many bracelets.  And at Sissy’s house I’d bead necklaces in the evening after spending days with Bobbie.  We all adore crafting jewelry and before she got sick, Bobbie made even more bracelets than I did.  Beading will always make me feel connected to her, and I was emotional walking into the gem show.  The last time I’d been to one was in Indiana with my family last year.

So I was slightly amuck while shopping.  (We are all fans of Hocus Pocus, and when we were all leaving our phones places, forgetting things, saying dumb stuff, we’d say we were a mess.  Then, Sissy said, no, we are amuck!  So that’s what we call this grieving/stress brain fog- we are all amuck amuck amuck like the Sanderson sisters.)

At the convention center, I might have gotten weepy at times.  And I did some dumb things.  Like when gathering up handfuls of rings at wholesale to retail in my booth, I included my wedding rings in with the bag of silver ones.  Luckily, the cashier caught what I’d done and was honest.  Even sweet about it.  When I tearfully told him about losing my sister, he was very kind.

Yes, I weep to strangers about her.  

See how easily I almost lost my own rings?  I pulled them off with the others.  I’m glad I decided to purchase them instead of putting them down and walking away.  I might have put my own rings with the others as I left the booth.

I’m giving myself some grace right now, having a sister shaped hole in my heart makes me sorta unstable.  Or as we say, amuck. I’m constantly on edge, and anything at all  can make me cry.  From something cute I see, to a touching moment in a movie, to  seeing the aftermath of wreckage on the road (the loss those people must be feeling!), or just a pretty pile of beads, I cannot be trusted to stay calm.  

But I’m owning those tears.  And not apologizing.  Bobbie earned each and every one.  

 

Continuing

While my sister was ill, I spent as much time by her side as I could each day.  I tried to balance wanting to never leave her with respecting her immediate family’s needs to be with their mom.  So, I’d arrive in the morning, set my painting supplies up by her, find some of her favorite movies to watch, then just hang out together until her kids arrived.  Some nights we gathered with other family too, but if it was just her girls there, I’d leave so they had private time.  

I’d help with meds, drinks, shampooing, etc if needed, but mostly we were just together.  Each day Bobbie slept a little more than the day before, but I’d always tell her not to stay awake for me.  Rest and be strong to see her daughters and those grandkids at night.

When she was gone, I felt rudderless.  I couldn’t be with Bobbie.

How on earth was I going to fill my days?

The world just keeps turning.  And we do fill our days.  Sissy and I went with her daughters for a day out to see a shark movie Bobbie would’ve loved.  We all had craft days together making Bobbie’s favorite bracelets.

We spent time with family.

One afternoon, I painted this chair for Sissy.  She loves the designer, Gudrun Sjodren, and wanted this done in her style.  It was an excellent distraction. Painting chairs is good busywork, with all the spindles that are tedious, but also give your mind a chance to wander.  Then practicing a style that I am not used to kept me focused. It was a project that let me both reminisce yet move forward.

For me, keeping busy, staying creative is helpful.  After I lost Ryan, I filled my closet with hand embroidered shirts and worked in the garden until it was a mass of blooms.  Each activity of creating doesn’t exactly heal, but maybe gives me hope? And a sense on continuing.  

 

 

 

Beading and lessons

While staying with Sissy, I spent most evenings beading after being with Bobbie during the day (I was painting while sitting with Bobbie, it helps me to stay busy). 

Sissy would cook something healthy and delicious, we’d watch some tv, pet pups, and play with jewelry supplies.  Sometimes we’d cry together, too.

I will treasure these times with both of my sisters. While tragically sad, these days were also shining moments in my lifetime.



The three of us all love making jewelry, but Bobbie was just too ill at the time.  Although she couldn’t make any pieces then, we could still talk about beads and design and we looked through what she’d been working on previously.

She had racks and racks of bracelets and necklaces in every color of stone.  

I took her advice and ordered some high quality gems from Tejas beads, and was so pleased when they arrived.  

Thanks for the tip, Bobbie, these are beautiful.

 I already miss having my big sister to look up to and talk about things with.  I don’t know if she had any idea what an influence she had on my life.  From an introduction to painting as a child, to finding peace in adversity. And finally, in learning about how to gracefully face some of the biggest challenges life offers.

She left this world bravely and with little complaint.  Typically, I whine about any tiny thing.  I’m going to try to learn from her last weeks and be a stronger person.  She was quite an example of calmness throughout her life, but even more so at the end of it.  And she looked good while doing it.  She kept up her skincare routine, wore lipstick,  her sparkly watch, and pretty rings through it all.

I’ll follow her example of excepting what we cannot evade, being calm under pressure. Then put on some lipstick then order more great beads from Tejas.

Art therapy for myself

While my sister was ill, I wanted to be with her as much as I could.

Living in Kansas made that hard to do.  But my sweet husband covered the home base while I was away.  Even through a tiny dog’s lingering illness, multiple emergency vet trips, then nursing Sugarwings through a round of Covid before catching it himself.

I made as many trips to Indiana as I could, just to sit by Bobbie’s side and be there if she needed me.  

My Good Juju buddies covered for me during February’s first Friday weekend since I was in Pendleton with family.

My other sister took me in as a semi permanent houseguest and we had a lovely time spending evenings together eating dinner in front of the tv while watching horror movies and then playing with piles of beads and making jewelry.  She made tasty meals for us and we worried about Bobbie together.

Each morning, I’d gather up my lamp, folding table and supplies to take to Bobbie’s house and set up a work station near her.

At first she would sleep most of the morning, then welcome the endless parade of people who loved her and wanted to visit in the afternoons and evenings.

As days passed, she’d sleep more but was always so happy to see the many people who wanted to spend time with her.

Bobbie was one of those special beings who just made you feel good to be around.

And she’d always been there for everyone else.  So they wanted to be there for her.

You could tell how beloved she was by the driveway full of vehicles, tables full of flowers, phone calls and FaceTimes, meals dropped off, and packages from a lifetime of friends and family who needed to be near.

At first, I was painting these quick, little nature studies to fill my booth and also keep myself grounded.  Then I started sharing them with visitors and family as they came to see my sister.

I enjoyed gifting them as mementos and must’ve given away dozens.

They are sketched onto old book pages with a sharpie, then roughly colored in with water solvable markers, washed with clear water on a brush.

After they dry, I touch up the lines with the sharpie again and add highlights with a white pen.

The backgrounds of some are iridescent watercolor that Bobbie gave to me.

Every little sketch I gave away was an appreciation to everyone who showed love to my sister, helped her or her family,  fed us, and wanted to be near.   Thank you, to you all for your kindnesses to the Valentines.