Karla's Cottage

Return to the night of the Living Dead, the Downtown Lawrence Zombie Parade!

Over the last decade or so, October has come to be the month when I take a trip.

So, I often miss the downtown Lawrence Zombie parade.

I’ve gotten to go here and there, when the timing is right.  And the weather too. Typically, KS can be at its best on a late, October evening.  But could also be an onslaught of freezing rain, so you never know.

This year?  Perfection! And half the town agreed. The streets were as full of living people as they were of the dead.  

We were lucky to find not only a parking spot, but at seat outside at a favorite restaurant so we could eat dinner while enjoying the invasion of corpses.

That’s where our lucky streak stopped dead in it’s tracks.

The line was so long to get a bowl of ramen that we were given a number to be called out when it was our turn to wait to order.

Just about then, the lunch ladies stumbled by, but we stuck with our plan to wait and eat later.

It was too bad we didn’t get to slurp noodles and pretend they were guts, but hey, you can’t win them all.

And it was such a gory, good time. We didn’t mind waiting for dinner.  

We sat back in our perfect seats, guessed the back stories of the ghouls as they strolled by, and critiqued the acting.

Some of even the littlest kids were quite committed to their part.

But to me, it seemed like the people who were into it the most were grown men.  

Many walkers chatted away with others in their group.  Some played the part well, though  And this gal was on her phone.  Or was she purposely doing that because teenage girls are teenage girls weather zombified or not.

And teens do love their phones.  I can imagine that even turning  wouldn’t separate a young girl from her device.

When the walk was winding down, we tried to do a call in take out order for food just in case, but the wait was still quite long. And when we spied that the line was dwindling, we checked inside to find out they were out of noodles.

I don’t know how many zombies paraded through Lawrence, but we watched them lurch by for about an hour and a half.

They start at the south end of town, about 11th street, walk up one sidewalk to 6th, then down the other sidewalk back to their crypts, or cars, or wherever they end up.  

We noticed that many of them trickled into the downtown bars and restaurants after their hungry march, so the options for takeout just got smaller for us.

As we looked into the windows of restaurants we passed on the way to our car, we saw them full of hungry zombies.

We figured we’d be cooking at home, then noticed there was a lull in the line at Chipotle.

 I mentioned that I’d only eaten there once since Ryan died, it had been a favorite of his and held too many memories for me.  Back in January, Sugarwings had the idea to eat burritos and watch zombies on tv on Ryan’s birthday, and it had been emotional, but satisfying.

So we thought it was fitting to pick up a bag of food there to take home with us and watch something scary at home while eating in honor of him.  We walked right up to the counter, just to see the line immediately fill up behind us as the horde poured in to feed.  One more lucky stroke for us, and Sugarwings said Ryan was with us and had guided us that way.  He loved zombies and burritos, we would celebrate him with a dinner of Chipotle and more walking dead.

I was so glad that everything about the evening worked out like it did.  We almost didn’t go because someone, not naming names here, was late with a bit of schoolwork.

I told them that I really, really wanted to be there on time to get a seat, and reminded the kid of just how much I loved this event.  I said, “You know how much you love sea turtles?  I feel that way about zombies.  They are my favorite animal.  I’m sorry there isn’t a sea turtle parade to take you to, but you could finish your homework and take me to the zombie parade .”

Homework was completed, we got seats, parking, and even dinner.  (By the way, Sugarwings has some pretty good grades that need to be mentioned, I’m proud of that and they way the homework got finished in time).  

It was my idea of a lovely, fall evening.

 

KC Renfest and unique hearts from Ryan

Renfest season is here!  Sugarwings and I snagged a little getaway time and spent a couple of hours wandering around the grounds.

The kiddo isn’t such a kid now (17) but still my partner in adventures.

Both of us are more into exploring the sights than being fairies now.

There are still plenty of laughs and silliness though.

I have always loved the art and architecture that makes this place special.

The details, big and small.

And the characters.

We even saw a couple of the Sanderson Sisters.

It’s the first year that Sugarwings wasn’t into dancing around the maypole with the fairies.  Although we did do a dance together along the sidelines.

We were nostalgic, talking about when Kya worked as a henna artist, when Sugarwings’ daddy participated in building the stone castle and sold his art there, when we’d come as a big family group, all fairied up in glitter and wings.

And we talked about the year Ry Guy came along to help me when I was on my own with two tiny grandfairies.  He was never a person who did well among hoards of people, but he loved those little princesses and was a trouper that day.  

It was extremely crowded, and extra hot that afternoon.  The kids were great, we did have fun, but it was past nap time and past Ryan’s crowd quota.  So we headed out before we became too overrun with heat and frayed nerves, leaving at just the perfect point, when everyone was still in good moods.

But then, oops.

Where on Middle Earth did we park?

Years ago, I had a car that I simply never recognized. I lost it quite often.  Once even getting into the driver’s seat of someone else’s car as they were loading a baby into the back.  We both screamed like that scene in ET when Drew Barrymore saw the alien for the first time.

Anyway, my car was lost in the over full, giant parking lot, and we slowly slid past the time when everyone was “still in a good mood.”

After 40 minutes of trudging through heat and dust, pushing a stroller and wanting to leave, we realized we’d walked right on by that car many, many times.  Over the years, that became one of those jokes Ryan and I had between ourselves that we would reference and laugh about.  Uhm, not that day, though.

Sugarwings didn’t remember that part of it, but we laughed together when I told the story.

Then my little sprite, who is always looking for glimmers from Ryan, pointed out these hearts.  My horror story loving boy would have loved those!  

Missing our boy

Today marks three years since Ryan’s death  and the last bloom is on the iris he planted for me.  The first bloom came on Mothers Day this year.

The rose he surprised me with on a Mother’s Day is starting to bloom now.

And so is one gifted to us after he died.

These reminders mean so much more to me than a tombstone at a cemetery.  We have sunset maple at a nearby arboretum and an oak tree planted for him in our yard too.

 The oak still looks like a short bush, it hasn’t grown at all in three years.  Rich wants to replace it, but it seems fitting to me.  Ryan was a late bloomer himself.  

Bad Girls Christmas

Our annual Bad Girls’ Christmas was again hosted by Angie, in her serene palace in the sky.  It’s on the 8th floor and overlooks the KC Plaza, a wonderful view.

She is a caring hostess with attention to every detail. Everything there is always just perfect there.  Well, everything but my blurry photos.

This one was a bit blurry too, but you can still see the fun!

She lives near Kaufman Gardens so we walk over to see the holiday displays.  It feels good to be surrounded by blooms on a chilly, winter day.  

I brought gifts, Beth loves buttons.

Angie always picks up autumn leaves.

She went all Julia Childs on us and served Beef Bourgignon, and oh man, it was good.  But I’m afraid everyone had to listen to me do my (very poor) Julia imitation too many times.  

I am blessed with the friends I have.  And I know how lucky I am.  When Rich and I were first married, his job uprooted us a lot.  And I had two small boys, one who struggled pretty severely with some disabilities. Those guys both  kept me busy, and between always being new in town, and needing to be with the kids, I didn’t meet many people.

Ryan grew into a delightful, caring, witty man, but his childhood was not easy for him.  I think that his little body could not keep up with his mind, and his frustration about making himself understood, or to do what he wanted caused a lot of turmoil.  


Speaking of Ryan, I felt like I had a surprise visit from him!  An article I was reading mentioned street view on Google maps, and I’d never looked at our home there.  So I pulled it up, and there he was- mowing the field and getting some sunshine.

At first it was shock to see him, but after a moment, I felt a warmth of happiness, almost as if I’d looked out the window and caught a glimpse of him.

After finishing a scrapbook of my pictures of Ryan, I came across something I wanted to add to it with another photo on it.  Then it hit me.

I would never take another picture of my boy.  

So finding this one online was a Christmas gift!

He is always with me, and in my heart.  But I sure miss seeing him on that mower.  Or walking down the sidewalk. Or gleefully throwing his head back in laughter.

Losing a loved one, plus having had those early years of struggle, and loneliness without close friends, makes me even more appreciative of having good friends now.

 I treasure our times together.

A new look for old Christmas ornaments

Sometimes an inspiration comes from one simple idea.  Other times things just fall into place as you are going and it all just seems like you planned it out, but you didn’t, it just came together. 

I had been gifted this magnificent buffet, with inlaid MOP, burned wood, and a pure white, marble top.  It is nicer than any piece of furniture I’d have ever bought for myself, and I wanted to highlight it for the holidays

To honor the lovely wood, I thought I’d go more natural with the tree I usually set in that area.

Well, natural for me at least.  They’re  still sparkly silver!  But the decor is centered around nature and family.  Birds from my Mom’s house, hand made bird ornaments from friends, deer, fairies, stars, and  lots of pinecones, from the day Ryan and I gathered them together.

Every time I think of that day, I have to laugh, it had been so funny for us, freezing, while stuffing pinecones in pockets and inside jackets while the big doodle dog pulled on the leash and I slid down the sidewalk, with Ryan trying to hold me back.  
We laughed so hard and joked about it for months, every time we walked by there.  
Of course, it was also the day the dog jerked the leash and messed up my shoulder, but we were still laughing and I remember rolling on the wet ice, laugh crying at one point.

I have only been brave enough to walk on the trail where we found those pinecones a couple of times this year.  And one time resulted in the same laugh/crying on the ground again.  This time, all alone.  And the pain from the loss of Ryan is much worse than a torn rotator cuff.

The Christmas after Ryan died, I returned to our spot and gathered up every pinecone I could find.  Almost as if I could NOT leave any behind, they were all symbols of Ryan and I and where we used to spend so much time together.  So now, I have a lifetime supply of pinecones and they will always be a part of my winter decorating.

This Christmas, I filled the bowl of this garden planter (free at a a garage sale!) with lights and my precious memory pinecones and added a tree filled with hand painted ornaments I’d made for my boy over the years.

When my boys were little, I was a single mom working as a waitress and depending upon my own mom for help.  At the holidays, I would paint dozens of glass balls to sell to anyone I could to raise money to buy gifts for my kids. I never left the house in December without a boxful and was even known to approach strangers in parking lots to sell these. 

And every season, I painted and dated one for each family member.  

The ones I did for my boys were very 80s themed!

Ha, Gremlins and ET!

He loved Frosty and Rudolf.  Ryan loved shows all of his life and it’s fun for me to look back through these and realize just how many were based upon his favorite movies that year.

And as he got older, his first car, the horrid, orange, “Punkin”.

I haven’t unboxed the family ornaments in years, they haven’t been my style or fit in with my current trees.  And I was saddened to see so many were missing. And I wondered why I quit this tradition.  But I am lucky to have these.

Even this heart breaker.

More hearts

We all need someone to lean on sometime, don’t we?  Ryan was my rock, and I used to lean on him a lot.  These hugging, rock hearts made me think of how he used to be that for me.

I mentioned in my last post that the puppy sitting job was good for my soul.  Besides the wreck and worries about the horrendous hurricane, I have been missing my boy so much lately.  

I always do.

 He is there in my heart at all times.  Some weeks, grief is just a low key, background noise.  Other times, it’s an all encompassing heartache, and others, a sweet little smile to myself over a memory or a moment I know he would have enjoyed.  

Lately, his loss has been heavy.  I try to pick out reasons why this happens, like waking up in the morning and piecing together what that weird dream I’d just had was about.

The stirred up grief can be from so many elements.  I think they are now called triggers, but I dislike that term.  It sounds harsh and scary.  



After feeling extra bereft, I decided to take a walk on his favorite trail, which I had been avoiding for months. As I turned the corner around the pond, I remembered why I never go that way.  There is a wet area that never dries, even in a drought, that section of the path remains slimy and slippery.  Ryan always took my elbow as we crossed there.  Now, I know I am getting older, but I’m not a frail little old lady and I used to tell him I didn’t need any help.  He responded the same way each time- “You are my mom, and I love you.”

As I stepped across the mossy slime this day, without Ryan by my side, (and sobbing because he wasn’t) Sugar spotted a goose and lunged for it, pulling the leash and pulling me behind her as I hydroplaned through the gucky spot.

It was surprising that I didn’t fall and get yet another concussion.  And as I was thinking how lucky I was I looked out at the pond and saw many floating hearts made of clumps of algae.

Maybe Ryan had still been protecting me after all.  And left a sign that said he loved me.

 

 

 

 

Hidden Hearts

I have always enjoyed finding shapes in nature.  Especially hearts.  Or fairy wings.  
Typically, I take a photo of the heart and leave it, but some I pocket, like this one from the dog park.  


They have taken on even more meaning since we lost Ry.  He used to be enthusiastic about the ones I’d see when out on our walks together.  I can hear his voice every time I find one now.

 “That’s so cool, Mom!”

So this broken heart really stood out and caught my eye. It shows how I’ve felt since Ryan left.  Still holding it together, but forever broken.

And lookee here at this one!  On Molly’s hip.  She’d had an ouchie and as it healed, the hair grew back as more golden retriever hair than poodle/doodle hair.  And a darker color too. 

“That’s so cool!”

Scenes from the reunion and one from the past

Before our big reunion began, I decided to go through old albums and pull out Nathan, Neibaur, and Nichols photos that I could slip quickly into another album to pass around.  Not my typical style, usually I love making pretty albums.  But I was in a hurry because it was a last minute plan.  And a single, edited book was much better than stacks and stacks of books filled miscellaneous photos the guests wouldn’t be familiar with, like the kids’ old friends or our neighbors of the past.

I came across this oldie from our home in Arkansas.  I don’t know the occasion, or who took it, but I felt it like a jab in the heart.  It’s not a good photo, but it is a great picture. Adam is a blur because like his daughter, he is in constant motion.  Ryan is wearing his tee shirt from his army man Halloween costume and has the “Footloose” haircut that he always insisted on.  I have on a matching tee and shorts that my mom sewed for me, the wallpaper behind us was some my sister helped hang in this very first house we ever bought.  

So many memories in one snapshot.

And so much love, too.

I love this photo and will never tuck it away in the dark again, this one goes on display.  But it also started the reunion on a shaky note for me.  The people coming to visit were all favorites of Ryan, he enjoyed hanging out with this group, and I sure felt his absence when I was with them.  

Also, Ry died at 42, and was my good buddy, we had such fun together.  But this picture reminded me- he was my baby.  My little guy. The majority of my grief is about daily things I miss about my grown up son and best friend.  When it hits me that I lost my baby, it’s a death blow to my heart, so I don’t dwell on that aspect of it.

When people started arriving to the party, my sister-in-law wanted to sit with me in Ryan’s apartment and reminisce about him.  I have to admit, that was the highlight of the week for me.  It means so much when people honor my Ry that way.

He is not forgotten.

 

 

Seashell fairies at Indian Rocks

 I had a restful, and much needed vacation with my sisters at the beach.

Indian Rocks is not my favorite beach, mostly because of the lack of shells.  But the ocean was beautiful, the sunsets were colorful, and the company was the best.  Plus, I managed to find just enough shells to make two fairies.

And I am being very precise with my words telling you that, there honestly were not many shells.  

I was pleased to be able to make one fairy and felt very lucky to have scrambled enough shells together for her, then told myself on the last day that I wanted to find a heart and create an Angel for my Ryan before I left.  The wind was rough that day so I decided to walk into it for the first part of the stroll, knowing it’s always easier to return with the wind at your back, not in your face.

These bits and pieces came my way on that last, windy walk and I was able to construct this for Ryan, just as I’d hoped to.  I sprinkled a few more of his ashes, listened to his song again, and told him that I love him.

But he knows that.

Here is the first sprite I made.  Her hair looks like she was battling the wind as much as I was, doesn’t it? 

I consider her more of a fairy, and the second one is an Angel.  But I guess it is all in the eyes of who sees them and what they think of them.  

That is, if anyone actually sees them.  But that isn’t the point of making them.  

The beach fairies are a blessing and a thank you to nature that I make for the pure pleasure of crafting them.

My sissies took me to another beach, where I also gathered some shells to bring home.  I’m hoping to craft some shellfolk in epoxy with those, so will have some to share that aren’t just memories that wash away in the surf.

 

At the beach

Last week,  I spent five days at Indian Rocks with my sisters.  We had very pleasant, although a bit windy, weather.  

And lots of time to sit on the edge of the water and let our toes wiggle into the disappearing sand that washes out with the waves.

My niece was also visiting with her family, so we had good company to hang with.  I actually had someone there who liked getting in the surf, and at the same time that the temperature was ideal for swimming! The only trouble was that my head is still wonky from Sugar plowing into me, and I didn’t want to jostle my brain by getting flipped around too much while wave jumping.

So I mostly just waded out into about waist deep water and made the big girl choice of not body surfing back in.  

Ugh.  Being practical and safe sucks.  

Indian Rocks is relaxing, which is what I needed.  My Dr. told me that I should be resting, so that is what I did.  Most of the time, I was sitting on the beach or the balcony wearing dark glasses and not reading.  

By mid week, I actually was feeling better.  I still avoided going out much, and stayed in when others went out to eat a few times.

Typically, I walk for hours when in Florida, but this time, it was pretty low key, with shorter strolls.  On one trip up the shore, I came across this dead bonnet head shark, about 2’ long. That was something I’ve never seen before.  He looked about the way I felt, after dealing with weeks of concussion discomfort, fog, and kind of an overall flatness.  I simply have not been myself.

Still, I  did get out to explore the area, it wasn’t all droopiness and exhaustion.  We went antiquing and exploring a couple times too.  The beach we stayed at had a serious lack of shells.  

I mean, sadly so.  I am always glad to find broken bits to use in my sea shell fairies, but dang, this place mostly had shapeless crumbs.

So my sisters took me to Passé Grille beach after I did some research on nearby beaches to hunt shells on.  You really can’t tell from this photo, but behind me are piles and piles of shells, like snowdrifts.  We went to the tip of the island, which was rocky and excellent for catching all the ones that washed up.

Another morning, we played tourist at the Don Cesar.  We have stayed there before, but it’s pretty pricey, so this time we were visitors, not guests.  And you know what?  That works out pretty well.  Honestly, the rooms there, while being elegant, are too small.  Renting a spacious condo, driving to and spending time walking through the Pink Palace, strolling their beach, then having some ice cream is a better way to go for us.

We were there before it got hot, then did some antiquing after. 


Shelling wasn’t great, but better than Indian Rocks, (which could be said about any beach because Indian Rocks is about as bad as it gets).  I found enough to make a heart for Ryan.

 It was the anniversary of his death.

I listened to his song and sprinkled a handful of ashes. I always take a little bag with me when I travel.  I know, pretty weird, but Ryan was always such a good travel buddy.  Funny, he hated, absolutely hated to travel, but when we made him go on family adventures he had the best attitude of anyone there and was helpful, thoughtful and fun to be with.  

So I like to find a quiet spot, sprinkle some ash and tell him how much I’d have enjoyed having him with me.